Fine - Fucked Insecure Neurotic Emotional /
Wednesday, February 23
I don't know how much more disappointment this heart can take .I'm always there for a listening ear , why isn't there somebody now when I need one ?
I'm fine really really fine . In fact I'm so fucked , insecure , neurotic & emotional .
I can't please two people at the same time , I'll bound to disappoint somebody .
What hurts the most is that I disappointed the wrong person and made myself miserable .
If the disappointment was worthwhile , it wouldn't sting so badly , but it's not .
What can I say ? I'm sorry Ms Rai , I'm caught in this sticky situation too .
For now , the damage done is irreparable , it's redundant to continue fighting .
If that's the case , why can't I renounce earlier ? I'm too sick to continue .
I'm really sick , fever , flu yet I make an effort , any appreciation ? None .
I've never dread or felt this way towards a performance before , never .
Where's the adrenaline ? The excitement ?
What's the point of giving me so much hope and watch me sink back to hell ?
What's the point of suffering ? You might as well take a gun and shoot it through me .
Prove to me that there's something worth fighting for .
I'm thoroughly disappointed . Maybe I'm really loosing my mental state of mind .
But I guess it hurts because you use us and throw us aside like plastic bags .
I really wanted to do something before I can't do anything anymore ...
Yet you demoralized me even before giving me a chance .
I admit syf is not an easy journey , but it's not supposed to be this demanding .
It's not supposed to turn me into a mental and emotional wreck .
I guess perhaps it's all fated to be this way .
I'm really really tired of life .
I'm tired of fighting .
I want to give up .
&/- thanks to those that actually cared for me . Don't worry , I'll be okay , just not today I suppose . Here's a super touching sms Debbietheawesome sent me .
"Because you're a really great dancer and even though you have a problem with your leg , you still try to prove others wrong that you can do it and you don't want to be looked down at because of it . You know what you want . That's inspiring ."
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