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Tuesday, January 5

I don't know how to feel now.

I've been online since 3.30, the moment I reached home.
People are spamming my phone with text messages, I can't be bothered to reply them.

I think yesterday was a disaster, first day of school started on the wrong beat.

At least the courtyard have been condoned off for the four storey indoor sports hall building [:

The anxiety over the holidays over which class we're posted to is just worrying on my part.

Sec 2Diligence 2010 with Mstan Seok Kuan as form teacher(:

Today during assembly I realized I was supposed to wear pe, but all my pe shirts are washing ):

Then after assembly had to proceed to Dance studio for 2D2 for mime workshop.

Honestly speaking, it sucks to the core. Boring and something I'll never accomplish.

So I stoned throughout the lesson, even the Eiffel tower shit was not entertaining enough D:

And at the mime for magic class I had severe stomache

And after the class, had to rush up to gym for AE talk by Ms Berlina Tan ._.

By this time, my stomach squeezed and twisted, pain ttm T.T

So Shannon accompanied me to toilet and I was on the verge of vomiting ]:

Mrchang saw me squatting outside the toilet and ask me to go up , Shannon left me alone! :O

So basically he didn't scold, just said to tell form teacher if really uncomfortable :B

Went back and ft time, the forgetful me actually forgot to bring camp consent form! -.-

Priscilla told Mstan I had stomache because I didn't dare to:/

So Mstan asked if I had menses == ''

Then Priscilla accompanied me to toilet and I vomited ! >:(

Recess stayed in classroom with Zhiyi then went to canteen drink milo ...

After recess went to hall for camp challenge briefing by Ms Chow ^-^

Then had to write 'In what perspective are we a leader' so when class sharing I ran to toilet.

And as I was about to sit, Mstan called my index number but had no voice because just vomited.

The whole day was just ft time, in which we did camp preparation and pupils profiling.

During pupils profiling before I even sat, Mstan was 'WHERES MERIDIAN?' :P

Then questions like why I choose sjc and yeah, the sota application stuff.

So Mstan asked some questions about dance, and I told her Juliana said I was vain pop ^O^

Then questions like did you do sports also resurfaced:}

Some discussions with her cannot be mentioned :X

Then after class, asked Mstan how, because I am lacking courage for the camp.

So her reply was , "I'll take care of you" ♥awwwwxxx, so sweet[:

Went to look for Msgoh to return dance costumes, and she appeared behind me XD

And lunch I didn't even touch rice, just 1 quarter egg, half vegetables and 1 quarter sausages.

After lunch, it happened again. Vomiting process ):

This was worst, I vomited practically everything, and after vomiting felt so empty and weird inside, terrible feeling.

Felt too weak to even dance today, don't take about singing, my voice is like whispering .

Called Mummy and told her I vomited, and she called Daddy.

And guess what. Daddy called home and say don't feign illness!

Unreasonable! For no reason, why would I feign illness no matter how much i detest camp?

Mummy also, the moment she reached home, she pounded on the door.

Xavier, small brat, irked me still, and my irritability level rose lots.

I'll prove I'm not a princess that's so freaking fragile!!!!!!

I thought a new year would mean starting everything afresh.

I was jejune enough to think that way, apparently it never happened.

Because it's only the first two day of school,

And it seems I've offended you again.

Tell me, how am I going to live throughout the entire sec2 year...?

You're making life a plain torture for somebody.

And while you're happily doing those things, something is hurt and crumbling.

It seems I've got on a facade that's just won't come off.

Undeniably, it's just the fact. Relentless fact.

I really really love dance, there's no queries I need to think anymore, life and dance proves itself. Like dancing, I can't really stop, it just happens like that. I've pondered and dwelled on the sota thing for long enough, it seems I finally have the answer. I'm willing to make sacrifices, to take on extra burden and stress just for that inch closer to my dream and goal in life. I do love dancing enough, no denying. The feelings so intact and strong now, I can't just wait to immediately appeal into sota, if I manage to pass the auditions. I've answered myself, going to sota is 60% escaping from relentless reality, 40% the genuine reason to dance. Hack, it's sinking the main reason, it's just escaping from things, escaping , escaping... what more can I do beside escaping? the pain goes on 6 months 5 days and counting... I've had enough, I'm serious.

Camp camp camp. Camp challenge, camp challenge, camp challenge. The name itself seems so touch and argh, so not suited for this vain, fragile, extra-feminine person. Fcuk. I have too much emotions fluctuating inside me, I'm about to literally explode, mood swings. Positive altitude determines a positive attitude. Arughhh, Mstan said the camp confirm fun... What's up with me man. It's not about being homesick and having a extreme phobia of dark, something more than that, I just can't find the answer amidst my fears now...

*I finally came out of the tight huddle of escaping from text and msn. It's over, I'm feeling better(: Replied Sheikha on fb already [:

Labels: hate mummy.hate daddy .hate xavier

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