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Wednesday, January 20

Grrrrrrr. I feel miserable. Pathetically miserable.

Another of my mood swings and bad days >:(

I changed my playlist again ,

My life would suck without you , Why I like you , Haru Haru , Gee {♥}

Bleahhh , I hate this freaking skin BUT ,

whattodo , I can't find a suitable one :/

It's pathetic because ...

1. I'mma missing school and friends like crazy ;

2. I'm absent for two weeks at the beginning of the year and it's streaming ;

3. I'm not allowed to attend the Chinatown business ;

4. I missed CCA and ballet twice ;

5. I'mma texting people for questions , and they reply me with shit -.-

6. I mislooked my MC , so I'll only be back on Friday ;

7. There isn't Ms Tan lesson on Friday , I've gotta tons of stuff to hand up ;

8. There's performance on Friday , I missed rehearsals today ;

9. Because of the performance , I'll have to skip lessons again ;

10. I actually think I developed more feelings for hip hop then ballet ! -_-

Well , anyway I started watching the concert cd [ Fahrenheit ]

Except for the encore part , saving it for when I'm utterly bored ==''

It's marvelous , hypothesize me and makes me float on the clouds , literally .

And when's it over , slam back to damn reality ~

I had nightmares , wonder if its the side effects from the medicine *shrugs ~
Two of them etch deeply into my mind ,

Sadly , both are pathetically unrealistic and won't happen .

Ones horrible , I actually cried and called ******** bawling for help at 3a.m

The other's fantasy , ******** actually ****** and hugged me :X

But well , I thought I could go back to sleep and continue with the fantasy ,

Apparently , it's like wth , because I got jottled up from sleep >:

My mother urged me to not be so 宅 and follow her to East Point for bro's tuition ,

But the moment we hit the roads , I felt a pang of dizziness ,

Felt like sleeping , but we can't just pathetically turn back home ,

Can someone sense how desperate I am ?

My health is declining and it’s something I can’t deny .

I shiver and feel cold the moment I step into air-conditioned places ,

I'm still weak , pathetically weak .

I'm also worried about the accumulated homework ,

Pathetically , some people say homework's a mountain , some say it's manageable ,

So being this pathetic person , which side should I listen to ?

I think it's pathetically awkward to have remedial / supplementary with teachers ,

ALONE and you'll be in a uptight situation .

Everyone's telling me ' Walao , you do homework until die ahhhsx '

BUT , *smirks , grins XDDD * I actually self-study !

Claps claps ~ *blink blink * Ain't I a genius ? ._.

AHHHHHXXXSSS , urgghhhhzzxxxs , hooooooooooossss T.T

I think I gotta vent some exasperation / frustration whatever you call it out .

I've been bottling this pathetic illness-cum-feeling for two weeks .

But , my medicines are decreasing ! [:

BUT , I feel weak , remember ? D:

I tried clenching my fists and then it'll tremble for pits sake O.O

It's also making me pathetically irritable ,

I'm controlling my anger inside , and it's glowing *whoooohooo -.=''

I almost blew up at an innocent Aisha , sorry girl ! >:(

I realize I can't self study for geography , home econ , literature ! }:

The teachers are : Ms Wong , Ms Chua , Ms Berlina Tan accordingly .

I remember vaguely almost crying talking to Nabillah on msn yesterday ,

?!?!?! Because I miss the class ==

And my dear sock , which is Karthigha is also on MC today ! ;O

And thought about dance ensemble issues over msn ,

NEWS ALERT !~

Yog dance performance in school on friday ! :P

Yeahhh righttt , miss lessons again for me :B

And Ms goh refuses to let me know more , so I got a gut feeling I won't get to perform ! D:

The committees are also planning a farewell party for Ms goh ^-^

As well as cheerleading that I hope to join .

Had a good laugh about Kaiqing's calligraphy experience on Tuesday [:

Hope teachers are reasonable enough to not demand immediate homework completion .

Because I'm about to cry in despair soon !

I wonder why am I still trapped in the unpleasant past 2009 ,

even though the mere effort of trying to move forward in life ,

Apparently my mother is hoping I'll reminiscence about the past ,

When all I ever want is to forget about them and move on .

Finally I understand all the doubts and mysterious issues that seemed so suspicious ,

I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel now ;

I spend an entire afternoon reflecting on stuff ,

I ended up dwelling about possibilities that won't even happen in reality ,

I really wonder how much my parents are keeping from me ,

I don't like to be kept in the dark !

Now a perfect crossroad , because it gives me reasons to leave a place called second home .

I wonder how much mistakes did I made repeatedly ,

I'm trying my best to make up for them ,

And sadly , my mother concentrates and doesn't forget them ,

Everytime I try to pick up the nasty remains and move on again ,

I'm successfully reminded of them not by my friends , but my parents .

I'm very curious about last year ,

I really would like to know the detailed stuff ,

Why are my parents , the dearest to me acting this way ?

I've not changed , I'm still that little girl that longed for them inside ,

But fact is , I'm turning 14 , a teenager that has aspirations and dreams ,

Mummy's droning on about why do I want to celebrate my birthday with friends ,

Did I say I'll neglect birthday dinner with my family ... ?

Did she coincidentally forget about how 'memorable' she made my 13 birthday ?

I'll shan't elaborate , click on 'January 2009' achieves .

Private blog again soon , view all you want now (:

I realized my mother is the main cause of everything .

Which mother reads her daughters diary ?

And sadly , everything have to be done surreptitiously ,

Some personal issues are written in the diary in hope of a 'listening ear'

So why ?

-I'm not allowed to have feelings of sadness .

-I'm supposed to put on a facade of euphoria even when I'm in my blues .

-This made me the emo person as perceived by my friends .

-I'm trying this hard to become optimistic ,

DAMN YOU MUMMY , why must you rub salt on my wounds ,

just as their about to heal ?

I'll like to thank a couple of friends and people ,

But I'll take snapshots of them when I return to school ,

So ... Do look at this blog on friday ! :D

Labels: Posts with pathetic(x10)

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