Thursday, December 17
I'm still persisting in not letting myself get shrouded in darkness.I'm still persisting in holding back my tears.
I'm still persisting in not ending my life now.
I'm still persisting in moving on towards everything.
Im still persisting in acting nonchalance.
Yesterday night was really hell, still I managed to pull through.
Balloon. I was practically venting my exasperation on the pink heart-shaped balloon.
Balloon symbolize a glimpse of hope to me, in flying ==
Teddy(s). I love all the teddys spread around my bed exceptionally Michelle
Michelle accompanied me through endless nights, when I was crying and no one knew.
Photos. I was scanning through my camera and that brought back memories.
Especially of Fahrenheit concert last year, had approximately 300 pictures.
Ballet. I was jumping and pirouette-ing non-stop yesterday night.
Until this time, I'm still trying my best to gain more flexibility.
And I finally gave in to the temptation of sleep.
Before sleeping, I was crying, and real hard man.
Thankfully, no nightmares disturbed my sleep yesterday night.
I woke up at 9.15 today, which is considered late for a light-sleeper like me.
And I'm feeling so empty and full of dread.
I started on 改写篇章1, but didn't managed to complete it.
Went to white sands for lunch with family.
I prevailed and plastered on a smile, to put off my family.
Deep down inside, I feel torn apart.
The world outside seems to be fading along with my music.
All the music in my phone reminds me of one word: Melancholy
I wonder when will Daddy love me more than he loves money ?
Grrrrr, I hate Xavier.
I sat alone in the train, opposite from Mummy, Daddy and
Tried very hard to concentrate in reading 'Emily from Emerald Hills' , to no avail.
Was distracted by seemingly a voice in my head.
So buy time by walking slow to *** .
Received encouragement from Ashley, SENIOR!(: , Priscilla and Sheryl
Thank you people:D
When I got there, tears are already falling out, but had to wipe them away.
I hate this feeling, like I'm going through everything alone.
Waiting process is agony, my heart squeezed and pull. Tears kept on falling.
Around me, everything just gets blurer and blur(er) [no such word-.-'' ]
By the time I got in, I was very much certain it was negative and gave up.
After everything, I had a strong desire to break down in the toilet.
I'm not going to talk about the results.
因为有你在，我坚持不看到黑暗
Went to hougang mall after that, I love shopping with music♥
I love Fahrenheit , so I kept on re-playing a few particular songs.
'因为所有快乐伤悲都那么多余'
'痛就放在心里不用关闭不需要痊愈'
'痛就放在心里不用关闭不需要痊愈'
以后所有快乐都涂上凄美记忆'
'从此就将回忆点滴直接注射在心里'
Quite relevant to my feeling now yeahh, tee hee.
I hate it that when I say I'm upset I get typical response 'Broke with bf ahhh?'
Like I'm get myself tangled in a relationship problem with a guy :/ tsssssk.
My contact lenses was irritating me badly.
Which is a blessing in disguise, because then it made my eyes dry and don't allow tears to fall.
After dinner, which apparently I don't have appetite for,
took 89 home. And during this particular bus ride, thoughts were swirling in my mind.
Now I don't know how to overcome the entire ordeal.
And just now finally cried in the toilet after enduring for one day.
It's weird even my parents don't understand me at all
I really feel myself getting languish after it all.
By right, tonight will be my last night on earth.
Technically, I'm planning a great suicide plan.
Now I'm questioning myself with questions that can't stop bombarding my head.
The future seems too bleak to even carry on
14 more days MrTan leave SJC
44 more days to my birthday!
45 more days Msgoh leave SJC
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