Friday, December 18
I'm still alive here posting this. I thought it over yesterday the entire night.
Thanks for being there for me Sheryl(:
While I was having a conversation with her over the phone, my mind went wild.
I came to a conclusion that if thousands out there are suffering the persisting in life;
I should also pick up the pieces and move on.
This is the seventh time I'm moving on after the Tsunami
Obviously it isn't going to be easy stuff with after-shocks.
I really admire those that are suffering in the fate of heaven's hands like cancer patients.
I really admire those that are suffering in the fate of heaven's hands like cancer patients.
They have such a strong will power of living.
Today morning woke up feeling sick ):
So after I visited the toilet, I was too feeble to even walk to the dining room.
So I crawled back into bed and moaned while tossing in bed with a severe stomache.
And even vomited some unknown substance :/
Wet with perspiration and pale like a sheet of paper, I made my way to get some medicine.
Felt a little after that :D
Completed my 改写篇章1 despite feeling nauseous and the desire to throw up.
Went out with Stella for lunch at whitesands.
Then Mummy came and practically shouted over the phone '你马上给我滚下来'
This I shall state isn't showing me any mutual respect.
So down I went to look for what and she just screamed at me.
I think it really isn't very fair.
When she's angry she can vent her frustration and exasperation on me.
She can slam cupboards, drawers and throw things at me.
When my brother is mischievous he can just shoot back at my mother without getting a shelling.
He can just play every single second without getting picked on.
When I'm feeling upset I can't even cry.
When I'm feeling afraid I can't even show out my emotions except plaster on a facade.
When I'm just about feeling so suicidal I can't confide in them.
When I need some encouragements and some private time, I can't talk on the phone.
When I'm feeling depressed they add salt on the wounds by continuing shouting at me.
I'm being over-controlled I'm a dead person without feelings or too much emotions
So by the time she had enough of scolding me in public, I was on the verge of tears.
Went to library and ate half a box of potato wedges while Stella ate hers satisfyingly.
Proceeded to borrow a book and renew it.
Then shopped around whitesands and camwhored in the neoprint booth.
Went to Tampines and drank a bowl of hot soup because stomach was aching up again.
Went to open plaza and stoned while Stella continuously spinned on the spinner -.-''
Looking at her spin gives me a splitting headache
Went back to whitesands and bought yogurt and head home.
Fahrenheit wants their new album to be named : 飞来飞去
Apparently, it's highly impossible and only a joke, its hideous too.
Their 想入飞飞世界巡回演唱会 CD will also be on sale in January at retailing CD shops.
Aaron's and Calvin's new show is about to complete filming.
An awful lot to look forward to
In the 5 years of idolizing them, I've grown more matured.
In the 5 years of idolizing them, I've grown more matured.
At this point, I finally deeply understand the significance of their lyrics.
I used to think that love songs are just somewhat entertainment.
Now, I perceive love songs in a different perspective.
Life brings continuous of eventful events we fail to imagine.
Sec 2 Adventure Camp, School reopening, My birthday, Fahrenheit's latest news, Chinese New Year, More Performances, Ballet Exam just to name a few.
I can't help but still feel suicidal.
And I'm trying my very best to look at the brighter side of things.
Currently being weighed down by homework.
Literature book to complete, 改写篇章x4 , 200成语 to memorize, 9 art homework.
I feel like taking a breather from hectic lifestyle in Singapore.
Here's one reason positively that stopped me from taking my own life : Dance.
To me, I'm willing to exchange almost everything in my life for the passion to continue dancing.
I really feel blessed to have passion to never stop moving on in this aspect.
I really look forward to more performances in the near future 2010
It's like I'm so close to loosing it just like that.
At 3, dance was something I did because my parents want me to.
At 6, dance was something that slowly started to grab my interest and excite me.
At 8, dance was something about shining on stage in performances.
At 10, dance was something I loved so much I look forward to every lesson.
At 11, dance was competition because I wanted to stay on top and excelled.
At 12, dance was something I found out that I could not loose.
At 13, dance was something so fragile like a bubble a slight touch would burst it.
Now I've come to realize dance isn't about performances.
Dance isn't about competition.
Dance is about having a genuine interest and passion to perform for yourself from inside.
It isn't matter one wins in competitions of fail,
What matters is reflecting where did the mistakes occur.
It's about standing up every time we fall over in pointe.
I feel like I almost lost the ability to dance twice.
After the major injury in pri4 and when I almost attempted suicide yesterday.
I want to work hard in ballet lessons. I want to take part in cheerleading next year.
I want to work hard in dance ensem. I want to have more opportunities.
I want to work hard in hiphop. I want to take Chinese Dance again.
And in June .... I want to audition for a chance in SOTA.
Mummy is going for minor operation tomorrow.
So she do know the feeling of being afraid after all...
And when I had something so major she didn't even know my feelings existed.
Grandparents coming over to look after us in the morning
Ballet tomorrow.
Mummy is forbidding me to go ballet T.T
I'm going to go start at homework, and stop procrastinating or I will feel uneasy.
See you soon(:
7:23:00 PM Back to top
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