Monday, December 14
Hey peeeps(:I've got a second blog.
www.crashofemotions.wordpress.com
I'll blog those little details there, and majority here.
Because blogger is always so tricky with those occasional maintenance problems.
I kinda want to change this ballet skin, again
I dislike the italic font used, basically I like normal fonts, soooo ...
Yesterday I had a hard time falling asleep.
My body clock is so weird nowadays, like I'm turning nocturnal -.-''
I had 3 nightmares yesterday
Like I was screaming and turning, to no avail; nobody heard me.
It's a little like reality, and it really scares me.
Each dream scenario seem seemingly the same.
It evolves either around sjc or dance.
Well since I've had 'that' this two things are the main factor.
They're always disturbing me in my sleep causing insomnia.
And each time I'll wake up breaking in cold sweat and shivering.
Feeling so anxiety and uncertain.
I'll feel so little, like a small little girl behind her blanket.
And I'll have a terribly hard time returning to sleep.
Worst is, I've got a huge phobia of the dark.
I wish those nightmares can just somehow disappear.
I've come to realize pain is so friendly to me, I've befriended it.
What more can I feel beside fresh pain now?
Mummy asked me to give up tuition for Xavier.
Like she has a obvious agenda which she claims she doesn't.
How long can they think they'll fool me?
Today procrastinated much. Didn't want to start homework.
So I only read a few pages of literature before I got bored.
And I must have become too sensitive recently.
I was constantly on the verge of tears today, blinking them away.
Practiced ballet in the evening.
I've become so much more cowardly now.
I used to stretch through gruesome pain and endured it.
Today however, I flinched and give up whenever I experienced it.
I did all the centre exercises half-heartily.
Without the genuine desire to pull in my utmost effort.
Well, after all I'm loosing it soon, what's the point of working so hard now... ?
Emotions are crashing inside of me, I don't know how I'm suppose to feel.
I feel malaise, angry, agitated, anxiety, emotional, tired, suicidal now.
I really want to get up and do something instead of sitting around pitying myself.
Yet I can't seem to find the energy to do it.
I called SOS ( Samaritans of Singapore )today
Apart from giving advice, they changed my perspective of looking at things.
Which set me thinking a load much more.
I wouldn't say I was feeling better. It just left me in deep thoughts.
The sunset just now really is a beautiful sight.
I seriously wonder if that's the last time I'll witness wonderful weather.
I feel like I've still a thousand wishes, dreams and things to achieve and overcome.
I'm only 13.
Isn't it a little too young to give up life?
I haven't live it up to the maximum yet.
What abeautiful tragedy wasted.
What a
When Msgoh returns 10 days later, I won't be around anymore...
17 more days Mrtan leave SJC.
48 more days Msgoh leave SJC.
depression sufferers have insufficient sleep because they have trouble falling asleep.
they have suicidal thoughts.
they have a sudden loss of appetite.
they will pull out from things they usually like.
tick tick tick.
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