我不像那么依赖的等待你
Friday, December 11
Yesterday went to Orchard for Mummy to see doctor.I don't know why I get the feeling but it's really wrong.
I just feel that there's this huge gap between me and my family.
I feel like a complete stranger.
So aimlessly walked around Orchard, and went to Takashimaya.
Then my parents went to look for toys and clothes for my brother.
I felt so alone, and wanted to cry.
Somehow I feel like I've grown up, thing that once drew my attention didn't excite me.
Perhaps this is how difficult it is growing up.
And under this circumstances, my leg hurt like crazy.
And I saw managed to see Jesca!(: working behind the counter :O
Headed for City Hall.
Bought two books at elementary level, tee hees.
One about ballet , the other about hiphop
Throughout the whole day the earpiece never left my ears.
Call it comforting myself, I feel like I'm immersing in a world.
I love walking alone, keeping myself company with light music playing.
All this contributes lots majorly to how I think.
This are times I really think through my plans, life and issues.
Drove home in the KPE tunnel, long as it seems, a thought struck me.
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel
I spent quality time with myself in the toilet crying at night.
Maybe today will be my last 6 days on earth.
Nahhh, I don't want to dwell so much on it currently.
Watched 'On the First Beat' at night.
It kept me grasping the sofa and at the edge of my seat, in tension and suspense.
Now I'm thinking my life really resemble those in drama
No wonder they say 戏如人生，人生如戏
And at night chat with Sheryl secretly on the phone until the wee hours, 12.02am
I tossed and turned in bed again.
Those memorable times don't want to be wash away.
I wonder why am I thinking about my life so much this days
Woke up today morning with a strange emotion churning in my stomach.
On the computer and saw Msgoh online.
Chatted with her awhile. Dang Dang.
I got so suicidal
And I even told Msgoh about it.
She provided me with advices, her childhood examples, encouragements.
Fact is, I can relate well to it.
But I can't clear the stone that is feeling with anxiety.
I can't stop those suicidal thoughts.
I feel I really need serious help.
Thank you Msgoh!(:
With a leaden heart, I let my brother use the computer.
I wanted to continue with my 报章报道3
Somehow or other, my mind wouldn't function properly.
I lack concentration, and I was so fidgety. For the second time today, I cried
Somehow I still completed, and the growing temptation to do ballet was strong.
But I couldn't find the appropriate time to practice ballet...
Started on the 报道4, halfway through, I shivered and broke out in cold sweat.
Shrugged the thought away with a palpitating heart.
On the computer again, to facebook, youtube, blog.
Then I saw Msgoh's facebook profile with a link to her blog.
She's recounting and reminiscing through old times if you ask me.
Like she want to make memories last or something.
Suddenly I dread wordpress so much.
Both MrTan and Msgoh, the wonderful teachers are using it.
I am going to miss both of them terribly! ):
As I was typing this post, this word keep resurfacing: 做作
Like I'm putting on this cheerful facade and pretending things are alright...
when they definitely ain't.
I'm making my blog public
It's like making my last days on earth worthwhile.
OMG. I feel so suicidal again.
Someone please help me! T.T
Tonight last episode of 'On the Last Beat'
Heh Heh, I'm going to miss by darl Liwen!:D
Tomorrow's ballet again, time do sure past fast this days.
And it will be the last, let me create memories to last for a lifetime, even in the afterlife...
In 20 days MrTan's leaving sjc.
In 51 days Msgoh's leaving sjc.
Labels: 难过也说不出来
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