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Insomnia. Couldn't sleep for the past 2 nights. I'm night-dreaming about things that are inconceivable. I thought it really would come through, but it's all wishful thinking on my part. But the thought of how surreal you feel beside me calm me down instantly. And when I do fall asleep, I dream about teachers leaving the school, teachers dying; etc.... I wonder how the other 1D perceive the news of MrTan leaving. Some cried, some cheered, others didn't say anything. But he soon became the conversation in people's blog. Ahhh, it had a huge impact on me. Or else I wouldn't continuously dream that 天灾are happening to teachers-.-'' Today is a bad day :(


Morning was going to meet Nabillah and Priscilla at school. While waiting for bus, cramps+gastric attacked me together. On the bus, I was like hoping the nauseous feeling would disappear, but the pain was worsening by the minute. But it still receded before I reached school. Priscilla bus was stuck behind a broken down car, so Nabillah and I went to look for MrsWong, MrSim. Poor MrsWong look like she didn't sleep for days._. Hahahawhaw(: But she insisted on sponsoring $20 for the chalet, much to the disagreement of me. But she still persuaded me in the end. MsTan also agreed on going for the chalet!;D Cool luhh, the two PE teachers together= play like there's no tomorrow. Went Rivervale to eat. Like other days no exception, we pondered over what to eat. Settled for Macs. Nabillah had a huge appetite!:O Then when daiso to check out the quantity for the bbq stuff. Went back to school, and go toilet change. I saw a "natural disaster" in the toilet. Then took temperature, and realized I was running a slight temperature. But persisted in doing warmup, but felt like faintig. Then dance. And something very unpleasant happen. I was left isolated again, shan't dwell on it, although it's hurting and affecting me terribly. What can I do anyway, I'm so immune to this already. Throughout the last hour, was on the verge of breaking down. Tears welled up in my eyes a couple of times, but blinked it away. Walked with Chantelle after dance to 7-11 then 88-ed home. I'm weighing the disadvantages and advantages of transferring to Indian dance. Hmmmm?


I was right. A mere apology without a genuine desire to really forget the past. And you did it again, for the 4th time. I've been putting up with you for 5 months, I'm now an emotional wreck. I tried enduring and ignoring your threats, to no avail. What have I done for you to detest me so much? And you can't give me a friggin reason. Should I conclude that you're jealous? Why are you harping on everything so much. I mean, put yourself in my shoes. How would it feel? I guess you'll never know. You're still having a jolly good time inflicting some harm on me. I'm right this time, awfully right. You're the one acting peculiar. Why must you come in between my friendships and break down leaving me with nothing? You're popular, I'm nothing. You shouldn't be blabbering my personal stuff like that, huh? And if I remove you from reading my blog, you'll do something again. I'm very tired of crying alone behind this computer screen, my fears unknown. I can't tell anybody, everybody believes you, but I've got ample "evidence". Yeah, you'll deny it. How much can I describe the pain you're emotionally causing on me? And oh. Me self-mutilating? Do you want to see how deep a scar you've inflicted on me? Now I'll ask you for one last time; Just what more you want? MY LIFE?!?!?!?!?!


1.I'm pusillanimous to face what's going to happen one month later.
2.I don't know to go for 1D chalet.
3.I'm crying myself to wallow, and I wish to stop this.
4.I need someone to lend me a listening ear.
5.I don't want tocan't bottle things anymore.


我静静的忍着，紧紧的把一天又一天的事情握着，而则在那密密麻麻的手心里留下深深的刀割。我知道你看不窗我的保护色，但我仍然勉强不了笑容。我决定不再那么倔强了，为了不要受到伤害，也为了不要留下任何遗憾。从今天(17 November 2009)我决定了，不管以后有什么委屈，也要紧咬着嘴，拼命的往前飞，含着泪水跌跌撞撞的跌倒。既然伤不愿意完全痊愈，那。。。我到头来也不是荡然无存？我会勇敢的让伤痛到此刻结束。

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