蓝色的忧郁。。。
Monday, October 19
19-October-2009; 8.01pm 被风吹过的夏天-林俊杰
1 more day to tell Ms.Goh
5 more day to ballet
11 more days to holiday
Woke up today morning with much anticipated feelings. Mixed feelings were churning in my stomach, and I almost lost control of my tears again. Was looking forward for a day out, yet dreading the loneliness inside. Really, everyone is so afraid of being alone, and calls out for friends, and I'm no exception, and behind everyone's smile, lies a heart that is so fragile which can almost just literally shatter at a touch... I really wonder, if you knew how much you are hurting me emotionally, would you still continue just because you really detest me this much? You know how much you're hurting me, just what did I do for you to loathe me to this extent. I don't understand, I really don't. I've apologised twice for something I did not do wrong, and this is really killing me. I lost pride thanks to you, but did you ever bother? Ain't you taking this too far, check the definition of bullying, cyber-bullying, emotional-bullying. I really wonder what will happen if I report you. But I don't have courage, because I'm shaken at what you will do to hurt me again. Look how low my self-esteem have drop to. I'm really tired at having to dread going to school so much, it becomes a daily chore for me to survive through. I wonder how much I can hold back my tears, and put on a cheerful facade for others to think I'm tough and unshaken, when I'm just here, about to give up and burst into tears by all that you have done. So, should I tell teacher? Or do you want me to continue putting up with your 恶作剧 and force me to my end, before you finally realize the consequences of your actions, and regret your actions for a lifetime...? Sheikha, please help me:( I don't want to live like this anymore, follow me to tell teacher can...?
Glad I went with them out. Love ya peeps, for making me have a memorable girl's day out. I swear I totally forget my worries. Muacks, Shake, Wang, Eunice, Maddie, Sammie, Tracy<3><>us, which cheered me up, lots. Went Daiso after that, and bought two double-sided pens. Then go carefour by FBTs, this time, going to the clothes department, I shall highlight and specify. Bought pink FBT, long awaited. Then splited to go home. Went to Kovan with Sheikha for a while, wanted to buy so much things, but sadly, condition doesn't allow us to. Time constrain and pocket had a big hole. Then on the way home, told Sheikha about the big-bully, and she suggested I tell teacher. Guess so, although rather uncertain and intimidated by the idea. Tears almost spilled out again, but fought hard. Wonder how long can I control it, because it's definitely going crazy. Oh, I'm a human soul like you too, if you cried when they back-stabbed you. Then consider the hurt you inflicted on me, which I'm certain would be of everlasting hatred. I have a heart too, which can be broken by hurt. It's already broken anyway, so yeah, come and break my heart, again, you didn't spare a thought for me, and I'm sure you won't in the near future. So common, I'm going to collaspe soon. Happy now, is this what you want? Smirk your head off already? I deserve to be treasured like you do.
Sorry, I've sustained too much wounds. I can't find an escape anymore. Let me sink here, and go away, before I pull you along with me into this sinking ship. Results tomorrow, freaking out and worried ttm. English is a subject I put high hopes into. Wish to pass it with flying colours, and not let Mrs.Wong dissapointed, and obviously, myself dissapointed. Hope tears don't fall tomorrow... Nice, *or-can-you-sense-my-sarcastic-tone* this week I suppose got to fork out money for class tee, when I just don't see any reason in buying them; When I'm not treated like a piece of puzzle?
希望依旧闪闪的发光，但在我心里，他就快要熄灭了。。。你为何要把我推到一边，逼我到极点，让我卡住，无法向前？你都可以这样残忍的抛弃我了，我的心要谁了解？体谅？连自己都失去目标，那么。。。要如何前进？ 快告诉我啊！ 伤口是你造的，敢否认吗？Take it that I'm begging you, please stop your nonscence. It's really hurting me. More pics with Maddie to be uploaded. Ps; I want blogshop, Shake, interested?
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