Tuesday, October 13
13-October-2009; 6.50pm
爱Y爱Y-By2
English, Chinese, History, Geography, Literature, Combined Science, Math, D&T, Art, PE
All papers down!(:
I don't want to buy class tee!):
THE WORLD HAVE NO MIRACLE! No fairytale, nobody to comfort you... Why? I've fighted too long and giving up hope as hope glimmers. I've been clinging on for mere glimpse of light yet no line dawned on me. Why? Can't somebody see me struggling, I've been clinging on for too long, just too long...
D&T exam today was a breeze, I managed the orthographic projection well and let a sign of relief, I ain't going to flunk SA2!(: Scamper was good too, I used 5 solid modifications to change the design to a chair. Art sucked though. Rushed through drawing, then half toppled my water on the drawing and my uniform was stained with colours. Then had this big blotch of paint on the final product, and halfway through exam I cried, because only 1 hour left, I haven't grasp the main topic of Cluster. So chiong like crazy for preparation work page 5 and final product, was crying quite badly, and the paint for my background smudge with 5 freaking patches of water aka tears. Anyway, constant neck ache, that Sheikha passed her virus to me. Then during exam, Vahesh wanted to squirt her white paint from the bottle, then it came out like a farting sound. Then the whole class started laughing, fucking funny!^^ The hairdryer sounded like it was having asthma from the constant wheezing, because people don't know how to use._. cool luhh. My dancer the nose is like a clown. After exam stayed back for PE. Then talk to Ms.Tan for a while[: she's so nice. Anyway, Mr.Tan, believe it or not, you'll always be the shining star inside our hearts. Thanks for making our first innocent year in sjc a memorable one. We're ubber touched by your tortoise and poem bookmark. Gayatri pissed me off trying to get answers. Ubber cute man she.
Before we conquered SA2, it seem like a mountain we cannot overcome. Yet, I've survived it through tears and emotions. Emotions have been crashing inside of me Hope once SA2 stops, the nightmares will stop too. Recently, so much nightmare of disasters, negative stuff about SJC, which makes my heart palpitate, and the fear increase and it becomes intimidating to step into the school gate with courage. I guess everyone went out today after exams, because this lonely and wandering ghost didn't. Nobody cared to ask me out yeah, so what, I'm just a burden in your eyes, shit. So 1D, kick this piece of shit out, I don't see how it would be of a disadvantage without me, because I'm a protruding piece of flesh that you all cannot stand. It's contradicting right, the class blog clearly states We're family so can I clarify my doubts. Is this what you call family? Your happiness pours on my fears. Especially you, you're such a glaring star. Stop picking on me to prove your powerful. I hate you, you don't know how much fear and pain you're causing me.
I wonder why, that I'm not feeling euphoric now. Weird. Everybody seems to be so happy that EOYs are finally over. Why do I feel so empty inside? Because Mr.Tan said that today would be the last lesson. No, it's not that. It's more than that that is causing this internal wound. The stress is not over yet... Ballet is yet another mountain I have to overcome, and I don't want to loose): I hate loosing. You're what motivates me to carry on with life... And image of you is fading, I don't know how to stop this sunken memories. OMGOSH. I've look into the past memories, and this month have passed in a flurry of negativity. Of suicidal thoughts. My biggest and darkness fear will show itself in 2 months, I'm really dreading the outcome. I don't want to give up, yet! Seriously, I've got everything planned out. I'm jumping down the building.
Pathetic. I've got no friends in 1D, so I'm mixing with 1E peeps again.
Note to Sheikha and Amanda: Hey, perhaps I'm the light bulb in the middle of you all two. You two are best friends right, what rights do I have to interfere and stick with you all like a stupid nobody.
In this long run, I've lost myself, my soul. The real me inside is destroyed by the cruel reality. Yeah, what for juxtapose my inner self so much? I'm not who I am anymore. I've admitted defeated defeat. What you've done, look at how weak I am. Your happiness is causing another to feel hurt. Perhaps while you feed on my weakness, you just won't know much pain is hidden behind those eyes, how much more I'm sinking into darkness
Ans me this: In your eyes, I'm really such a loser and pain to you? You want me to disappear, jolly well...
I CAN'T STAND YOUR NONSENSE ANYMORE. FUCK YOU. STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE SO HIGHLY. OH PLEASE. You heard my scream. You saw me cry. You saw blood trickle. I'm currently fading AND YOU'RE STLL BLOODY HURTING ME WITH ALL THIS RIDICULOUS AND REDUNDANT THINGS.
Amanda and Sheikha, should know who I talking about right?
第一次有那么强烈的恐惧感,真的不想再回头听你的无理取闹了。