我忍着泪，闪着光
Sunday, July 19
Date and Time: 19-July-2009 ; 6.51pm
Current Weather:Going to rain RAINING! (:
Current Mood: ><going to cry CRYING! ):
Current Song: 会呼吸的痛
Katherine is seriously so diaoz. She was that anxious in sending me her blog song and just now I ask her to send me she gave this 'ooops, i forget to load' look-.- lawls can! then on the bus we were sitting next to me and she got so bored she short-distanced text me. Anyway, I still feel like crying after passing by the CC. I wonder if the wound would ever heal .Next year June, not only will I loose Katherine, I will loose both Katherine and Teacher:( don't ask me why. As usual, we were the first two to reach and teacher said Zelda and Grayce quit?!?! pathetic. ballet class got only 4 peeps. arugh><>she was about to give birth we all started laughing and teacher went to smack her *ass :D I seriously wasn't in much mood to dance today but... I can cross out theport de bras and battlement tendu exercise(: I remembered the steps!^^ and today we did adajo ( whatever?! IDK how to spell) and teacher freaking pulled my leg to 110 degree attitude. If I get any stiffer I would have die . It hurts like crazy at the back of your leg:( I was like grabbing teacher's hand anyway, there's this part that Katherine and Gina crashed into each other because Gina went the wrong way =.= that tickled me like for 5 minutes! ><>
Bought bubble tea and we stood there like 10 pathetic minutes while the run-down shop made our bubble tea. I mean normally like sweet passion all this is they just blend it and put it in the machine, here, they shake it, add sugar, pour it, stir it in that slow-montioned pace that pissed me off pretty much . Went to whitesands and I just cannot find a handphone strap to my liking. TSK!!! >< [I've got to practice all the ballet steps later!]
IWANTTOCHANGESCHOOLandCCA . Firstly. I don't like a girl's school what with so many lesbians and people being bitchy. Another fact, they are just to open and I'm referring to those from OLN and OLGC. Seriously, no offence luhh, but they can't be more lesbies and you expect me to go holding hands? Dream on. Secondly. I hate travelling all the way to Sengkang when I can just take a 10 minute bus ride to Hai Sing which is also in Pasir Ris. Plus, Hai Sing Catholic is a mixed school and the aggregate to get in is the same as SJC. Secondly, CCA. I have to wait for like another 2 years to get in SYF, and I don't even know if I will be the lucky few to get selected. CCA points are so little, and dance in SJC is so limited. I know they respect sports more, especially netball is a thriving CCA. And that's not the main point. It's like I was GA and GD before in primary school. Yeah, in the netball school team, and playing during recess actually brings back the fondful memories, and I would wish to play on that court again. It's ridiculous, I know. A dancer joining netball. But I'm loosing interest in dance, especially ballet . I want to grow wings and try out netball, anyway, I've already been in netball school team for 2 years right.nvm.I'll just keep it to myself, because it's totally impossible I can't go and disappoint Ms.Goh when I know she have high hopes on me and Ms.Tan just won't accept me into netball school team, what's the point of being in CCA team. I just got to banish the thought ...
*wooties^^tomorrow is jazz dance(: but idk why, my stomach is still pain :( here. I've just got to sound out my feelings...
`What's the point of going over-board in dance? Anything ever happens! So what if I dance that good, or strive to dance that good, to produce excellent steps? Nobody notices anyway, and nobody admires. As sad as it seem, SJC doesn't recognize dance, so do Singapore. It's that realistic, yet I can't accept it. So what if I over-strain myself so much just to achieve my flexibility? the splits, bends, lifts, it's not as if they are going to stay with me for a lifetime. Splits are so precious, once they are gone, you'll have to bear grudges and pain again all it takes is just 1 month, everything will be gone. who say ballerinas must be graceful and flexible? I've been working so hard to keep up that impression and 忽略 the main point that I want to learn dance. The main point is to dance to relieve stress and for pleasure. Sad to say, it's adding more stress and there's no more pleasure. I wonder if I should continue. My mind is not with me anymore, I keep getting corrected recently for pointing my foot the wrong way and stuff. I'm stressed out with dancing, yes I am. I push myself way too far. Afraid that somebody will beat me and I just end up doing harm to myself. This is not what I want. Have I actually enjoyed dancing since I entered SJC? It seems more like competition. I want to be the best that's why I'm pushing myself that hard. It's no more pleasure. It's pain. I just want to de-stress from dance for 1 month and start fresh again, continuing on brings no good, as I really HATE DANCE. Working so hard is business. I get stressed up because I never get my steps right. I'm aching all over now, why must I still practiced the shit out of me, stretching, going over my limits. My limit is 90% that's it, I'm stretching 110%, and it's really pain. I know I cannot do over-stretch, yet why must I do it? Am I really only taking dance to prove it back to people? My flexibility won't last forever. It will soon go off. In another 20 years time, will I still be able to soar and do splits? So by working hard now, what will I gain, pain. Yeah, in jazz, they really think it's easy, I'm like rubber, maybe. But inside, I'm tearing. I've got to stop all this.Goodbye dance, see you in 1 month
Not that I want to say, but after getting injured, I've completely lost my ankle strength. Standing on tip-toe is awfully hard, my balance for that leg is lost, I can't only stand on one leg right?! I need to go back to the therapy ): Arugh!! because, I just can't seem to jump as high and do things that well. and it really upsets me to know that it's not the best I'm dancing.
WHY CAN'T I DANCE WITH PLEASURE, AS MY INTEREST?! i can't possibly dance forever, that's the thing that i'm worrying, so i over-do it...
Current Weather:
Current Mood: ><
Current Song: 会呼吸的痛
Katherine is seriously so diaoz. She was that anxious in sending me her blog song and just now I ask her to send me she gave this 'ooops, i forget to load' look-.- lawls can! then on the bus we were sitting next to me and she got so bored she short-distanced text me. Anyway, I still feel like crying after passing by the CC. I wonder if the wound would ever heal .Next year June, not only will I loose Katherine, I will loose both Katherine and Teacher:( don't ask me why. As usual, we were the first two to reach and teacher said Zelda and Grayce quit?!?! pathetic. ballet class got only 4 peeps. arugh><>she was about to give birth we all started laughing and teacher went to smack her *ass :D I seriously wasn't in much mood to dance today but... I can cross out the
Bought bubble tea and we stood there like 10 pathetic minutes while the run-down shop made our bubble tea. I mean normally like sweet passion all this is they just blend it and put it in the machine, here, they shake it, add sugar, pour it, stir it in that slow-montioned pace that pissed me off pretty much . Went to whitesands and I just cannot find a handphone strap to my liking. TSK!!! >< [I've got to practice all the ballet steps later!]
IWANTTOCHANGESCHOOLandCCA . Firstly. I don't like a girl's school what with so many lesbians and people being bitchy. Another fact, they are just to open and I'm referring to those from OLN and OLGC. Seriously, no offence luhh, but they can't be more lesbies and you expect me to go holding hands? Dream on. Secondly. I hate travelling all the way to Sengkang when I can just take a 10 minute bus ride to Hai Sing which is also in Pasir Ris. Plus, Hai Sing Catholic is a mixed school and the aggregate to get in is the same as SJC. Secondly, CCA. I have to wait for like another 2 years to get in SYF, and I don't even know if I will be the lucky few to get selected. CCA points are so little, and dance in SJC is so limited. I know they respect sports more, especially netball is a thriving CCA. And that's not the main point. It's like I was GA and GD before in primary school. Yeah, in the netball school team, and playing during recess actually brings back the fondful memories, and I would wish to play on that court again. It's ridiculous, I know. A dancer joining netball. But I'm loosing interest in dance, especially ballet . I want to grow wings and try out netball, anyway, I've already been in netball school team for 2 years right.
*wooties^^tomorrow is jazz dance(: but idk why, my stomach is still pain :( here. I've just got to sound out my feelings...
`What's the point of going over-board in dance? Anything ever happens! So what if I dance that good, or strive to dance that good, to produce excellent steps? Nobody notices anyway, and nobody admires. As sad as it seem, SJC doesn't recognize dance, so do Singapore. It's that realistic, yet I can't accept it. So what if I over-strain myself so much just to achieve my flexibility? the splits, bends, lifts, it's not as if they are going to stay with me for a lifetime. Splits are so precious, once they are gone, you'll have to bear grudges and pain again all it takes is just 1 month, everything will be gone. who say ballerinas must be graceful and flexible? I've been working so hard to keep up that impression and 忽略 the main point that I want to learn dance. The main point is to dance to relieve stress and for pleasure. Sad to say, it's adding more stress and there's no more pleasure. I wonder if I should continue. My mind is not with me anymore, I keep getting corrected recently for pointing my foot the wrong way and stuff. I'm stressed out with dancing, yes I am. I push myself way too far. Afraid that somebody will beat me and I just end up doing harm to myself. This is not what I want. Have I actually enjoyed dancing since I entered SJC? It seems more like competition. I want to be the best that's why I'm pushing myself that hard. It's no more pleasure. It's pain. I just want to de-stress from dance for 1 month and start fresh again, continuing on brings no good, as I really HATE DANCE. Working so hard is business. I get stressed up because I never get my steps right. I'm aching all over now, why must I still practiced the shit out of me, stretching, going over my limits. My limit is 90% that's it, I'm stretching 110%, and it's really pain. I know I cannot do over-stretch, yet why must I do it? Am I really only taking dance to prove it back to people? My flexibility won't last forever. It will soon go off. In another 20 years time, will I still be able to soar and do splits? So by working hard now, what will I gain, pain. Yeah, in jazz, they really think it's easy, I'm like rubber, maybe. But inside, I'm tearing. I've got to stop all this.
Not that I want to say, but after getting injured, I've completely lost my ankle strength. Standing on tip-toe is awfully hard, my balance for that leg is lost, I can't only stand on one leg right?! I need to go back to the therapy ): Arugh!! because, I just can't seem to jump as high and do things that well. and it really upsets me to know that it's not the best I'm dancing.
WHY CAN'T I DANCE WITH PLEASURE, AS MY INTEREST?! i can't possibly dance forever, that's the thing that i'm worrying, so i over-do it...
Labels: 我的盼望就握在手中
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