Friday, May 1
Can't exactly remember what happened yesterday morning, but was tearing the moment I stepped into school. And yeah, everybody was really nice, with the pat on the back and hugs and encouragements. Hey people, I felt it you know. I'm so sorry for keeping silent. The words keep resurfacing in my mind, how could you anyway? I'm your daughter anyway. It hurts me loads both emotionally and physically don't you understand. And I was right, I did cried as predicted! And my eyes went soooooo puffy even Mr.Tan could tell I've been crying. And the counsellor had to rub salt onto my wounds, saying that it's going deteriorate. And then I started crying again. My mind kept drifting away during lesson back to the scenario and couldn't get what teacher is talking and was on the verge of crying history. Cheered up during Chinese, a little at most. Mr.Sim keeps forbidding me to stand, even greeting him was a torture, forced me to sit. And school passed by in a hurry, loads of people wished me to stay strong:)The starting of AE night was weird, like how it ended strange too. Walked to compass point without much success, like from the school to bus stop took me 20 minutes. Gave up the thought and took the bus, and as sooooon as we got on the bus, a mini accident happened:O Juliana crashed into a old woman, squashing her like a pancake:D Hovered around for 10 minutes before deciding on KFC, and haha, saw Jinming with Peihua inside. Had rather a quite normal meal and kinda awkward man. Then Nabillah lost her ticket and Mr.Tan had to rushed to compass point and his eyes were like wth puffy. Took MRT and realised we were stalking Mr.Teo without us knowing. LOLS. And he was omg shocked when he saw my clothes. Then started crapping in the MRT with him staring at my injured leg:O
And... We were lost when we got down the MRT. Like walking in circles when we passed that NAFA building countless times:] Haw. And Ms.Goh was nice! She half-expected me to really be a handicapped man. She got a hhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee shock when she saw me climbing the stairs with much difficulty. The person was really well. Smooth without any hiccups. And I really envy the dancers, how long must I rest to get back on a stage? The applause was thunderous, and I shouted like for the Centre stage and Modern Dance:D
Problem lies in getting home. Walked around aimlessly trying to get home again. And waited like 35 minutes for 518. And something frightening happened. Not sure if I was on the right bus, like I was unaware of where we were going and I was surrounded by this two sick guys inching closer to me by the minute. Started crying luhh. Then texted Yiying for helped :X Reached home to an empty house again:(
In between, something happened. Car swerved towards us and just stood there out of shock , mind racing. I wanted to run, but was froze to the spot. Wanted to stay, and get knocked down. Then Sihui, Nabillah, Priscilla screamed and pulled me away. I feel so shocked, until now. It's the second time this week that I've been having Near Death Experiences.
And I tried to be cheerful, without much success. Was smsing Yiying throughout the night saying things like 'It's over, I'm going to put the past behind me and move on' Yet I was crying throughout. I must not fall apart this time. When exams are nearing, my parents are divorcing. I've got to stay strong in one piece, but I can't help it!!! I can't bottle up any more things to myself any longer. I even completely forget how does it feel like to wear school shoes to school. I've been wearing slippers for the past 4 weeks, and it's getting irritating.
Paper cut. It's deep. It's pain. It's disgusting. It's unable to predict( :D ) It's unexplainable. It leaves scar. Can't explain how I got it. I'm damn prone to injuries. I'm so going to race Yiying when I can run again, which is about 3 months from now:( I'm going to race so many people. I miss running, I even miss walking normally. I miss my legs:( Most importantly, I miss dancing. One month passed without dancing and it's horribly awfully hard to get by.
Vanessa, live life to the fullest! Don't look back and regret!! You never know what you're going to get!!! yeah. I promised so much people that. But I've failed again.
I know we'll never go back to the times again. Stop dreaming.
Listening to: 安静了 by S.H.E
Feelings: Screwed
Days to Modern Dance Outing: 21
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