Tuesday, April 28
How I wish I can go back to my old life, where there is no complications and I'm carefree. Like how I wish I'm not injured to save the burden, that I can dance as I want, that my parents are not separating, I'm not under the heavy workload, that I have somebody to at least turn to and that lastly, I can go back to at least the beginning of the year. During literature was like so damn touching. Ms.Tan was telling the whole class to stay as one, committed. And like to help me and Kristy around, to help us take bags, to push us around. And she gave a looooooooooooooooong lecture about being together as a class, as 1Diligence no matter what. And she's kinda right, everybody is drifting further away. With so much squabbles and conflicts happening, when it shouldn't, of wrongly accusing and pinpointing, should really be gone. Like we're just put together as a class, and as a class, we'll shine and prove others we're not what they think, that we are smarties peeps or whatever :) smart peeps:) During morning assembly was worst, had to stand like 5 minutes to get ready, 5 minutes for prayers and everything and they have yet to start the morning reflection and my poor leg was shivering over there, unable to support my weight. And I really collapsed again, the 2nd time this year!
Finally passed Jin her birthday present, and I don't know for whatttt reasons she was staring at me walking to and fro, here and there. Liiiike I don't have enough people to stare at me, I bet I'm famous around school already luhhh! :D And HAHA, Amanda, wth stop laughing at me and Kristy being lame it's not very nice:(
I can't find one nice Chinese song no matter how frantically I search:( But I finally found a webbie to download songs free:]
And I really want to watch The X-Family, but I don't have time, I've been like dragging so long already, and I'm getting impatient. I'm soooooo hungry. And how can I possibly go and buy food, like by the time I walk to market and back, it's going to be 7 already:( And if I want to cook, I must say my kitchen is really kinda empty, and when I say empty, I REALLY MEAN ITS EMPTY! Guess I'll have to starve to death, and become bones:( I'm getting so pissed off by my hunger and the irritating msn virus:(
How I wish I can get back into the dance studio. Like what's the point of me wishing? Because it never really comes true, I wonder how long more do I have to wait? It's so tempting to just step back in, and dance my heart out, but think of the consequences, if I just go and dance, then what will happen to my leg? I don't want to burst another vein, neither do I want to tear more ligaments, and neither do I want my bones to go the wrong way again... But seriously I want to sink into the familiar music again, soothing all my troubles. Even pile is a problem for me. I want to get back into the world of dance. But it's so far out of my reach, what's not mine is never meant to be. Vanessa, remember that. Once you lost it, means you have to deal with the heartache. But I want to immerse in those steps:( What's the point of dreaming? Shouldn't I just accept that cruel painful yet relentless reality places in front of my very eyes? What's wrong with me. I keep hearing the negative and positive thoughts arguing in my head, and I'm crying:(
*Time to revise Chinese Van! Put it all away. All the pain. Concentrate. But...even the medicine is wearing off, I can't eat unless I eat dinner. Like how? Crawl to market? Oh great...
Listening to: 店小二 by S.H.E
Feelings: Hoping, wishing, and praying
Days to AE night: 2
Modern Dance Outing: 24
客栈打烊后 陪我坐一坐 我的爱人刚好不见了 我还没有说 你先泪流成河 原来同是天涯沦落人 一杯又一杯 你再喝 她也不回了 一个就一个 又不是 甚麼十恶不赦 爱有时 就像飞来横祸 店小二 店小二 别再哼伤心的歌 人来人去像过客 再空等不值得 店小二 别再喝 借酒消愁又如何 三杯下肚就忘了等清醒之后又 记得想他就心痛 不想更折磨 爱情有时真的不好惹 等开花结果 等到立地成佛 承诺好像虚拟的传说 (思念像 患了伤风不断咳) 店小二 店小二 别再哼伤心的歌 人来人去像过客 再空等不值得 店小二 别再喝 借酒消愁又如何 三杯下肚就忘了等清醒之后又 记得 店小二 店小二 别再哼伤心的歌 人来人去像过客 再空等不值得 店小二 别再喝 借酒消愁又如何 三杯下肚就忘了清醒后又记得 何必呢
Yeahhh, Daddy pleaseee don't drink anymore. Cup after cup, no matter how much you drink, it;s still ruined! Like what's the point? Even though drink so much, it only solves problems temporary. When you wake up the next morning, the pain is still there, there's no escape from it! I'm going through the same thing... and you all put me through misery. But...you have a choice, you brought it upon yourself... Why?!?! So don't drink, what's the point!
WHAT MORE POINT IS THERE IS SMILING WHEN EVERYTHING GOES WRONG?
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