Sunday, March 22
It's finally ballet lesson today. I really feel proud of myself. I didn't cry although I almost. Then teacher said Mei Ting quit, ohhh ): Just hope that the four of us will persevere on and never give up! Rushed like mad people with Katherine to meet Stella then went out shopping. When I realised something, my skirt was flapping around in the wind in the park!!! Oh. Embarrassed.I really love to learn something new in ballet. Although it really make me bust trying to remember the names, I love it. I want it. I can just go on forever and ever. I don't care that my legs are turning jelly. I love the music. I love the atmosphere. I love ballet class. I love it, and I don't want to be taken away from it.
Should I wait for 4 years, by that time we would more or less graduate barh. But then within this four years, anything can happen. It would maybe even be too late. I'm really lost. I need to seriously talk to someone. I have only 3 more hours left.
I lied in bed for countless nights. I didn't do anything except cry and listen to song. Just how long More will this go on? I only loathe myself and write morbid words, poems. People has different ways dealing with sadness, why must I be the unexpected? To use a penknife? Everybody says they understand, but it's all for encouragement. Who does? They're not me. I'm suffocating and I really need to breathe. Nothing I do is right. I cry and scream but no one cares? My life is not important, so why am I still living in earth? I'm confuse and alone, lost inside my mind.Nobody takes time to understand me. All are feelings of perceive, or is it? I need to leave, and everything will be alright. Nothing makes sense. Nothing is real. I'm hallucinating. I must be dreaming. They could not have done it. I must be sleeping in a horrible nightmare. I'm sick of smiling, sick of trying. I'm smiling yet inside I'm dying. Will I make a foul move to end it? No one will even care. Suicide is painless, life is the one that hurts. The rainstorm should come and sweep me away forever. Four days already. I hope I wake up soon.
Listening to: 不想长大 by S.H.E
Feelings: :'(
为什麽就是找不到不谢的玫瑰花 为什麽遇见的王子都不够王子啊 我并不期盼他会有玻璃鞋和白马 我惊讶的是情话竟然会变成谎话 为什麽幸福的青鸟要飞的那麽高 为什麽苹果和拥抱都可能是毒药 我从没想过有了他还孤单的可怕 我突然想起从前陪我那个洋娃娃 我不想我不想不想长大 长大後世界就没有童话 我不想我不想不想长大 我宁愿永远都笨又傻 我不想我不想不想长大 长大後我就会失去他 我深爱的他 深爱我的他 已经变得不像他 我不想我不想不想长大 长大後世界就没有童话 我不想我不想不想长大 我宁愿永远都笨又傻 我不想我不想不想长大 长大後我就会失去他 我深爱的他 深爱我的他 怎麽会爱上别嗰他 为什麽水晶球里面看不出他在变 为什麽结局没欢笑而是泪流满面 我愿意在他回来前继续安静沉睡 但他已去到别座城堡吻另一双嘴 为什麽对流星许愿却从来没实现 为什麽英勇的骑士会比龙还危险 我当然知道这世界不会完美无瑕 我只求爱情能够不要那麽样复杂 我不想我不想不想长大 长大後世界就没有童话 我不想我不想不想长大 我宁愿永远都笨又傻 我不想我不想不想长大 长大後我就会失去他 我深爱的他 深爱我的他 怎麽会爱上别的他 让我们回去从前好不好 天真愚蠢快乐美好 我不想我不想不想长大 长大後世界就没有童话 我不想我不想不想长大 我宁愿永远都笨又傻 我不想我不想不想长大 长大後我就会失去他 我深爱的他 深爱我的他 怎麽会爱上别的他
I don't want to grow up. I want to be protected. I don't want to know the truth. I want to believe in lies forever. It is better for people to lie to me rather than I know the painful fact and cry. I want to cry because my toy is spoil. I don't want this heartache.
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